To The Person Struggling with Depression/Suicidal Thoughts

(Photo by RAWM Photography )

Holidays can be rough & can cause us to be dragged down in sadness especially if you’re someone who suffers with anxiety & depression. To help move forward from that I have a blog post written by someone who played a very important role in my life that might motivate you to fight hard & push through it.

He & I both hope that this will help anyone who is struggling.

Lots of Love,

Hailey Hoyt

Hello all, writing is a bit new to me so bare with me. My name’s Brandon and if you’re reading this you’re like me, some one who struggles with depression. It’s something I’ve dealt with for years. This is a little bit of my story and how I’m dealing with depression.

It started around my freshman year in high school. I always just wrote it off as teenage angst, thinking that I would get older and the emotions would pass. What I didn’t realize was that I was dead wrong. I wasn’t dealing with puberty or a hormone imbalance I was dealing with depression. Seven years of darkness, pain, countless scars on my arms, and two failed suicide attempts and here I am. I’ve learned to live with it, and even to communicate with my close friends, and family about it (hardest thing to do but it helps so much when you finally do).

Letting people in isn’t a sign of weakness to me, to be able to let a person in whether it be a friend or family, shows courage. It’s not easy to talk about the thoughts going through your head. I mean how do you explain to the woman who gave birth to you that you’d rather die and leave this place behind? Thankfully for me I had a saving grace, and one you might find very unlikely. It was Hailey’s mother. A person I’ve come to consider a great friend, she always lifted me up no matter what. Even when I broke her daughters heart because I wasn’t ready to be a man yet. (No I didn’t cheat, I’m not that horrible). She told my parents pieces of what I was going through which in turn led to me breaking down in my moms arms and telling her everything. I then spent 6 days in a psych ward, which felt like hell on earth, but honestly that hell saved my life. (I was dating someone when I went it and she left me for her ex because I wasn’t emotionally stable enough for her. All while I was in the psych ward). It gave me coping skills and it helped me clear my head.

I’ve been out of the psych ward for about two months now, and I’m thriving, even though I suffer from severe depression. Depression is tough to deal with I’ll be the first to admit it, but it is manageable. It isolates you and makes you feel like you’re drowning in an endless sea but that’s where your friends and family come in to save the day, to lift you up and pull you out of that endless sea.

My ways of dealing with depression.

Smoking

Many of you might find this appalling and Hailey might even edit this out, but weed. It’s a natural anti depressant and definitely helps with anxiety as well. It’s always helped me through it. I’m not saying go out and do it. Just asking to be more mindful. Not all weed smokers are bad people. Writing

I write on a daily basis, journals shorts stories, etc. no one has to read it, it just helps get the emotions and thoughts flying around in your head out. Talking

I talk with my bestfriend Nick on a daily basis, about typical stuff and even about everything going on in my life. If you’re scared to tell your friends or family about what you’re going through because you think that they will think you’re weird, you’re wrong. When I told Nick the news he was at the psych ward that day to see me and make sure I was ok. Running

It clears my head out because I’m more focused on putting one foot in front of the other instead of everything else going on in my life. It’s an escape for me. I’ve dealt with depression for years, struggling to find a reason to live. What I didn’t realize was that the reason I had been searching for was inside me the whole time. It was me. You have to be your reason to live. Because even if you have countless friends and family supporting you and helping you get through everything, you still have to want to get better and live for yourself. I originally wanted to make this an anonymous post but I find that by me talking about it, it has less of a grip over me. I don’t feel ashamed about saying I have depression because why should I? I’m an emotional person, I always have been. It takes more courage to admit that and show your feelings than to hide them.

To the beautiful people out there struggling with depression, suffering in silence, and thinking there is no hope. I promise you there is. The world we live in is a truly beautiful place even in all the chaos out there. You just have to learn to see the silver linings in every cloud. Enjoy the little things in life and remember you’re stronger than you think. -BPR